Squee Grabgrub

A goblin tinkerer/fighter who specializes in crossbows. He wants to prove that technology is better than magic.


Squee lived with his father Spleen and the rest of his family. Spleen was a blacksmith and repairman in Browntown, a small village near Bronzetown. Spleen was known as one of the best craftsman on the island, and frequently communicated with Rekt Dreadfire, another renowned craftsman. Squee always wanted to help his father in the workshop, but there was a gang known as the “True Enlightened” that was going around attacking goblins and sea elves and proclaiming the superiority of humans and dwarves. This gang had been growing in power, and used powerful magic to fulfill their needs. When they heard that the best craftsman in the area was a goblin, they attacked Browntown, destroyed the workshop, and became the biggest force in the village, bribing or blackmailing judges and policemen to ignore Squee and his family’s pleas for help.

Spleen was forced to become a coal miner, and when Squee was old enough to work, he would be too. Squee ran away from home one night at the age of 12 [note: Carson, if you want me to change this part about meeting you while we are both young, let me know.], deciding to try and make ends meet somewhere that wasn’t ruled by prejudice. He decided to go to Bronzetown. It was here that he met Jasun Stonefield, a friendly character who helped Squee find food and other things while he was young. Squee used his skill as a craftsman to find jobs, crafting armor and weapons and fixing things for a price. At the age of 21, Squee had saved enough money to buy a new house to move him and his family into. He also had a crossbow with a special bolt in it, just in case things got ugly. This special bolt had taken a long time to build, and Squee was certain he wouldn’t have the materials to make another one.

Returning to Browntown, Squee saw a sign outside that said, “NO GREENSKINS ALLOWED.”
Squee went to his old house, only to find a dwarf family living inside. When Squee asked about the previous owner, the dwarves said that, “The True Enlightened kicked those greenskins into the slums.” Squee found his family crowded into a house with at least two other sea elf and goblin families. After a tearful reunion, Squee told his family that he had a much nicer house for them in Bronzetown, where the True Enlightened were no more than a rumor. Squee’s family was overjoyed at the news, and they decided to leave immediately. As they were leaving, they heard a voice say, “Where d’you think you’re goin’, greenskin?”
Squee turned around and saw a mob of humans and dwarves wearing black cloaks with the letters T.E. engraved on them. Some of them only had pitchforks and torches, while some had wands and staffs.

“Looks like some of these greenskins don’t know when they’re beaten,” the leader of the mob said. “Guess we’ll have to teach ’em a lesson.” The leader raised his staff and began to point it at Squee’s father, saying “I’ll light this greenskin up like a firework!” Squee was terrified, memories of the destruction of the workshop went through his mind. Until he remembered his crossbow. He pulled it out and placed in the special bolt. “Ooh, what are you gonna do, prick my finger?” The leader laughed, and the mob laughed with him. Squee pointed his crossbow at the leader, then fired. But the bolt was too heavy, and landed at the ground beneath the leader’s cloak. At this, the mob laughed even harder, calling out, “learn to shoot, idiot!” “You sure taught that dirt a lesson!” “My grandma could do better than that!” Then a click came from the bolt, and the area around it burst into flame. The people in the back of the mob yelled and ran away, while the leader and the people around him were burnt to a crisp. That wasn’t quite what I had intended, Squee thought, but it got the job done. Squee remorsefully noted that the bolt had been incinerated as well, and that this had been merely a temporary solution to the problems that the True Enlightened had caused.

Squee’s family lives contently in Bronzetown, although Squee’s father has tried to discourage Squee from continuing his business, lest he attract the attention of the True Enlightened again. Squee joined the voyage to the new world to find a place where goblins won’t have to worry about racial prejudice, and to prove that technology can be better than magic so his father doesn’t have to live in fear. He also wanted to see what the the son of Rekt Dreadfire was like, as well as see his friend Jasun Stonefield again.

Fun Fact: Squee and his father Spleen are named after the Goblin Techies from DOTA (just Techies in DOTA 2).

Squee Grabgrub

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